Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Act 3 Scene 1

On-screen, the NEWSWOMAN and NEWSMAN are finishing a news report. Newswoman: Looks like we're finding out what a true hero is. Newsman: The mayor himself will be on-hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer. Newswoman: It's a good day to be homeless. Newsman: Ha ha ha! It certainly is. Dr. Horrible is working in his lab on a Death Ray, and Penny and Captain Hammer are in the homeless shelter. Moving Guy: So they say Captain Hammer's become a crusader Political, he's cleaning up the streets Other Moving Guy: About time Groupie #1: So they say it's real love Groupies: So romantic Groupie #2: He signed this Penny: So they say we'll have blankets and beds We can open by Monday, thanks to you Captain Hammer: Thanks to me! Newsman and Newswoman: It's the perfect story Newsman: So they say Newswoman: A hero leading the way Newsman and Newswoman: Hammer's call to glory Newswoman: Let's all be our best Newsman: Next up, who's gay? Groupie #3: So they say he saved her life Groupie #1: They say she works with the homeless and doesn't eat meat We have a Groupies: Problem with her Groupie #2 This is his hair Captain Hammer: This is so nice I just might sleep with the same girl twice They say it's better the second time They say you get to do the weird stuff Groupies: We do the weird stuff Penny: This is perfect for me So they say, I guess he's pretty okay After years of stormy sailing Have I finally found the bay? Both parts are sung at the same time Dr. Horrible: There's no happy ending So they say, not for me anyway Stop pretending Take a chance to build a brand new day Penny: There's no happy ending So they say Should I stop pretending Or is this a brand new day Groupie #2: This is his dry-cleaning bill Groupies: Four sweater-vests! The MAYOR starts to speak at the podium. Mayor: And in just a few minutes, we'll unveil the statue of the man himself. Thank you. Thank you. Justice has a name, and the name that it has, besides Justice, is Captain Hammer. Ladies and gentlemen, your hero! Captain Hammer: Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words. Captain Hammer begins to read his speech off of cue cards, causing his words to be cut off Captain Hammer: I hate the homeless... -ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic... You know what? I don't need tiny cue cards. When I fell deeply in love with my serious, long-term girlfriend Penny. Wave your hand Penny. There she is! Cute, huh? Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway. She turned me on to this whole homeless thing, which is terrible, and I realized, I’m not the only hero in the room tonight. I'm not the only one who's fighting. Captain Hammer: It may not feel too classy Begging just to eat But you know who does that? Lassie And she always gets a treat So you wonder what your part is Cause you're homeless and depressed But home is where the heart is So your real home's in your chest Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone's got villains they must face They're not as cool as mine But folks you know it's fine to know your place Everyone's a hero in their own way In their own not that heroic way So I thank my girlfriend, Penny Yeah, we totally had sex She showed me there's so many Different muscles I can flex There's the deltoids of compassion There's the abs of being kind It's not enough to bash in heads You've got to bash in minds Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone's got something they can do Get up, go out, and fly Especially that guy, he smells like poo Everyone's a hero in their own way You, and you, and mostly me, and you I'm poverty's new sheriff And I'm bashing in the slums A hero doesn't care if you're a Bunch of scary alcoholic bums! Everybody! Both parts are sung at the same time Captain Hammer: Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone can blaze a hero's trail Don't worry if it's hard If you're not a friggin' tard you will prevail Everyone's a hero in their own way Crowd: We're heroes too We're just like you We're heroes too Captain Hero: Everyone's a hero in their... As Captain Hammer is saying this line, Dr. Horrible comes out from under the sheet that is supposed to be the statue, and he shoots Captain Hammer with the Freeze Ray Dr. Horrible: Mmhmhmhmhmhahahahaha. DR. HORRIBLE jumps off of the platform Dr. Horrible: Look at these people Amazing how sheep will show up for the slaughter No one condemning you, lined up like lemmings You're led to the water Why can't they see what I see? Why can't they hear the lies? Maybe the fee's too pricy for them to realize Your disguise is slipping I think you're slipping Now that your savior is still as the grave You're beginning to fear me Like cavemen fear thunder, I still have to wonder Can you really hear me? I bring you pain, the kind you can't suffer quietly Fire up your brain, remind me inside you're rioting Society is slipping Everything's slipping away. So... Grabs his Death Ray and fires it in the air Dr. Horrible: Go ahead! Run away! Say it was horrible Spread the word! Tell a friend! Tell them the tale Get a pic! Do a blog! Heroes are over with Look at him! Not a word! Hammer meet nail! Then I win, then I get everything I ever All the cash! And the fame! And social change Anarchy, that I run! It's Dr. Horrible's turn You people all have to learn This world is going to burn! Burn! Turns to a reporter Dr. Horrible: Yeah, it's two R's. H-O-R-R, yeah. Burn! No sign of Penny Good, I would give anything not to have her see It's gonna be bloody, head up Billy buddy There's no time for mercy Here goes no mercy! As "Slipping" finishes, the Freeze Ray audibly powers down. Dr. Horrible: That's not a good sound... Captain Hammer punches Dr. Horrible, sending him and the Death Ray flying back. Captain Hammer walks over and picks up the Death Ray, puts his foot on Dr. Horrible, and finishes "Everyone's a Hero" Captain Hammer: Way! A Death Ray. Looks like Dr. Horrible's moving up. Let's see if this one works any better than your others. Dr. Horrible: Don't... Captain Hammer: (interrupting) I don't have time for your warnings. You give my regards to Saint Peter. Or whoever has his job, but in Hell. Captain Hammer fires the Death Ray, but it backfires and sends him flying backwards. The Death Ray shatters. Captain Hammer: AAAGGGHHHH! I'm in pain! I think this is what pain feels like. Oh mama! Someone maternal! Get out of my way! Captain Hammer exits Dr. Horrible gets up and looks around. He looks over to see that Penny has been struck by the shrapnel of the Death Ray. Dr. Horrible runs over to her. Dr. Horrible: Penny! Penny! Penny. Penny: Billy? Is that you? Dr. Horrible: Penny, hold on. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Penny: Billy? Are you alright? Dr. Horrible: Hold on. Penny: It's okay. It's okay. Captain Hammer will save us. Penny dies. Dr. Horrible tries to speak, but incoherent starts of words come out. He stands up and reporters come up to him with cameras Crowd: (all struggling to get Dr. Horrible's attention) Dr. Horrible! Why did you kill her? Dr. Horrible! Dr. Horrible: Here lies everything The world I wanted at my feet My victory's complete So hail to the king Arise and sing So your world's benign So you think justice has a voice And we all have a choice Well now your world is mine And I am fine Dr. Horrible puts on his new lab coat and starts to enter the conference room of the E.L.E. Dr. Horrible: Now the nightmare's real Now Dr. Horrible is here To make you quake with fear To make the whole world kneel And I won't feel Billy is in his lab Billy: A thing.