She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)

[Verse 1] Well I guess it was back in '63 When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife Well she said she would So I said "I do" But I'da said "I wouldn't" If I'da just knew how sayin' "I do" Was gonna screw up all of my life Well the first few years weren't all that bad I'll never forget the good times we had Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support Well it wasn't too long till the lust all died And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch Well I tried to get in She changed the lock Then I found this note taped on the mailbox that said "Goodbye turkey. My attorney will be in touch" Mhmm So I decided right then and there I was gonna do what's right Give 'er her fair share But brother I didn't know her share was gonna be that much [Chorus 1] She got the goldmine (She got the goldmine) I got the shaft (I got the shaft) They split it right down the middle And then they give her the better half Well it all sounds sorta funny But it hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine, I got the shaft [Verse 2] Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet Why they give her the color televison set Then they give her the house The kids And both of the cars See? Well then they started talkin' about child support Alimony And the costs to the court Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was I'm tellin' ya they have made a mistake Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes Besides, everything I ever had worth takin' they've already took While she's livin' like a queen On alimony I'm workin' two shifts Eatin' baloney Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?" [Chorus 2] They give her the goldmine, (She got the goldmine) They give me the shaft (I got the shaft) They said they're splittin' it all down the middle But she got the better half Well, it all sounds mighty funny But it hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine, I got the shaft [Chorus 3] Well, she got the goldmine, (She got the goldmine) I got the shaft (I got the shaft) They split it all down the middle And then they give her the better half Well, I guess it all sounds funny (Ahh, ha ha ha) But it hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine, I got the shaft [Outro] Heh, heh. Hey ain't kidding. I got the shaft But I don't have to worry about totin' a billfold anymore Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I let my wife tote it, I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps You get it judge? I'm gonna be indebted That's not funny, huh? Huh? Contempt of court? What do you mean I'm- Listen judge, I'm just kiddin' I mean You can't get blood out of a turnip, can ya? (Ha ha ha)