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I remember when it didn’t take me historic blackboards to teach me a lesson, when my infatuation for profit matched my current obsession with depression. When my dreams were a representation for that of which I was not aware. Not something I only experience in and out of repeated nightmares I remember when suicide was only something I heard about. Not an outfit to be avoided, a mind state you don’t wanna risk wearing out. A time when life seemed worth living if nothing else to be admirable by the time we die, when I felt like I was missing out when I watched life pass me by. A clock that seemed to pass by ever so slowly, a soul that seemed to dwell ever so lowly, a stoner so lonely that couldn’t make a real friend even if you cloned me Ironic that when we’re down we’re UP set, we contradict our own direction with an inability to navigate the coordinates of our depression. Sometimes the confusion in our minds gets in the ways of our contact, and we’re not allowed to see the things that have us confusing attachment with obsession. I remember when authenticity wasn’t disguised as a never-ending maze. When reality wasn’t something I only see on TV shows or as something people show as part of a learning phase I remember when rejection only something people talked through with me Not something to which I’ve grown accustomed in addition to this parking fee. I remember the days when I felt important in the eyes of others. But now when I blink I feel like a cop working undercover I remember when even at such great height, I didn’t feel like I was free falling. I remember when even when I felt my demons gripping me at night, it felt like self awareness, not death’s calling. I remember when even when I had knots the stress didn’t cause us to cut ties, when my back wasn’t full of knives and my ears weren’t full of lies The daze when a memory seemed hardly worth forgetting. The dizziness that made me fall like crashes but held me just short of suicide even though the possibility was tempting. The nights when stairs didn’t incline me to give eye contact. The mornings when attention didn’t feel proper nor did pointless tension that had me pinning fears on my mental wall with 99 cent thumb tacks I remember when my states were united and not divided. When my mood was clear and my demeanor was excited even though the root of my pain is ex-sited. I remember the days when everything seemed better. The days when 20/20 vision clogged my overweight scale and made me disregard fair weather Darkness seemed only like a healthy balance to turned on lights. Blinkers flash in the night but turn off when needed like a visionary with stage freight. I remember when darkness was only got in the way of what seemed so bright. Compared to now when stark perceptions are so wrong but feel so right