1-900-Bitches

Intro: [touch tone sounds] (Children in unison) Momma, Momma, dad's calling 1-900 numbers again! [phone rings] [Verse 1] Picture this: the house is empty You're looking at the phone, so motherfucking tempting Then you see us on the TV, so you copy the number Real fine hoes make your mind start to wander Dial 1-900 on your telephone Hoping that your wife don't bring her fat ass home The phone is ringing, your heart is beating fast You know I'm talking shit on your monkey ass 1-900-248-2437 You dialed it again, that makes it eleven Times you called, yeah, that's a bitch Call it again, cause you're making me rich Five dollars a minute you call After that, you get fucked up your doo doo walls Seventy five cents, now the rates begin Chorus: 1-900-248-2437 Bitches A ho with an attitude is fucking with your ears (2X) [Verse 2] The telephone company and the workers, too Looking at your bill, tripping on you Time after time, they see the same number Them goofy motherfuckers start to wonder So they went to the phone, and tried it for themselves Four weeks later, they got to seek help Just like the pipe, they call it addiction You can't stop calling, creating confliction Still your fucking wife in the middle of the night Me on the phone, you there at home Buying me diamonds, then a fur coat Next comes the rope off your motherfucking throat And after you steal everything you can You go seek counseling just to get another chance Eight weeks later, there you go again You see the number, go get your paper and pen Chorus: (2X) [Verse 3] President Bush, and Barbara, too Sitting at home, with nothing to do Knowing in their minds they got a big problem They want to call up the hoes to help them solve it Now what in the fuck they do that for? Cause Barbera won't soothe Bush no more All the way in the White House, they blowing up the bill Motherfucking hoes, yeah, you know the deal Noriega, sitting in his cell He want to get away, to get some bail He want to call uπ the hoes, but no collect calls Just laugh in the joint, and play with your balls Poor Mandela, just getting home Calling up the hoes on the telephone All the way in Africe, we got it going on Motherfucking hoes, you know we're too strong Chorus: (4X)