Dear Journal

The following entry is based on actual events in my life For those who was wondering, yes this really happened Dear Journal I don't even know what to write Today was just another really bad day in my life I feel like cryin' but honestly I done run outta tears So many thing have happened to me I done run outta fears Damn its hard bein' 16 knowing it's just me I'm convinced that every one in this world is against me Why don't these people just stop bothering me? Would they stop if I swallowed a bottle of Tylenol 3? Cuz honestly I'm seriously thinking about it Hell everywhere I go I find me thinkin about it Damn Journal why is this the only option I have? Other than going back to school and gettin' bullied in class Please help me You are the only friend that I have Other than the imaginary ones I've had in my past You know what? It's probably better to die I'll write in you tomorrow and let ya know what I decide Dear Journal Why do things have to be this way? Sick of feeling this way I wanna leave this place Please Journal, make these people go away Before I pull a Columbine and they get blown away Why Journal? Why it me why does it have to be me instead of someone else's child? Why Journal? do you not answer my thoughts I guess I just deserve to die Dear Journal Guess what I got some really good news I was walking through a park today and found a gun after school Man I'm excited I don't even know what to do Should I use it on my self or should I take it to school? Man this is cool you should see the barrel and trigger Better yet Journal you should taste the barrel and trigger I know I did in fact soon as I got to my house I ran straight in to the bathroom and stuck it dead in my mouth Pulled the hammer back gettin ready to squeeze Laughin and cryin the at the same time on my knees But something told me "No, Please don't go" And while I was hesitating some one knocked on the door I got scared, took the gun out of my mouth Put it back in my pocket grabbed my backpack and got out Smiling cuz I know next time I'll be better about it Heading back to my room so I can tell ya about it Dear Journal Who do things have to be this way? Sick of feeling this way I wanna leave this place Please Journal make these people go away Before I pull a Columbine and they get blown away Why Journal? Why it me why does it have to be me instead of someone else's child? Why Journal? do you not answer my thoughts I guess I just deserve to die The only thing we ever needed was for somebody to love us Pay attention to these kids Some of them need help Help 'em Love em' Or they'll end up like me