Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk

Yes, friends . . . Pass the plate around, friends . . . Join us, friends There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin' Cause her sweet little hubby's Suckin' prong part time (In the name of The Lord) Get a clue, little shrew Oh yeah, oh yeah Jesus thinks you're a jerk Would he really choose Tammy to do His Work? Unh-unh Hallelujah! (Yes, friends . . . ) Robertson says that he's The One Oh he sure is, if Armageddon Is your idea of family fun An' he's got some planned for you! (Now, tell me that ain't true) Give me that old time religion! Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay Will Pat let Jimbo get away? Everything we've heard him say Indicates that Jim must pay (And it just might hurt a bit) Just a bit! But keep that money rollin' in Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo Can't get enough of it (let's dance!) Perhaps it's their idea Of an Affirmative Action Plan To give White Trash a 'special break'; Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! And every night we can hear them thank Their Buddy, up above For sending down his love (While you all smell the glove) Henry Cisneros, ladies and gentlemen! Jim and Pat should take a pole (Right up each saintly glory-hole) With tar and feathers too— Just like they'd love to do to you (Cause they think you are bad— Yes, they do! And they are very mad) Cause some folks don't want prayer in school! (We'd need an ark to survive the drool Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate And 'Jimbo-Jumbo' when they graduate) Convinced they are 'The Chosen Ones'— And all their parents carry guns (Hey, look! Godzilla!) And hold them cards in the N.R.A (Ah, hellfire, Melvin, hey hee!) (With their fingers on the trigger ("It's hot.") When they kneel and pray) ("I mean that . . . ") With a Ku-Klux muu-muu In the back of the truck If you ain't Born Again They wanna mess you up, screamin': "No abortion, no-siree!" "Life's too precious, can't you see!" (What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree? Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me— Would THEY do THAT They've been doin' it for years! Seriously?) And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton Imagine if you will A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator Studied law— But is not qualified to practice it Father of a "love child" Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants Of papa's religious propaganda program Claims not to be a "Faith Healer," But has, in the past Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes Involved with funding for an 'undeclared war' in Central America Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes' (Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.) Claims to be a MAN OF GOD; Currently seeking the United States Presidency Hoping we will all follow him into— The Twilight Zone But, hey! What if Pat gets in the White House (No fuckin' way, Ike You know what I mean) The rights of 'certain people' disappear Mysteriously? Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify As an American Tragedy? (Especially if they cover it up, sayin' "Jesus told it to me!") (I mean vapor tight, we're like this, okay? I mean that) I hope we never see that day (I mean that. Right here. It's hot. It's hot.) In The Land of The Free— Or someday will we? (92?) Will we? (96?) And if you don't know by now The truth of what I'm tellin' you Then, surely I have failed somehow— Surely I have failed somehow Surely I have failed somehow And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you— If you let those TV Preachers Make a monkey out of you! I said: "Jesus will think you're a jerk" And it would be true! There's an old rugged cross In the land of the Stainless Maiden— It's just burnin' on the lawn But this person looks like Tom Braden! Jim and Tammy! Oh, baby! You gotta go! You really got to go! Jim and Tammy got to go FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, this is intermission. Get your butt out there and register to vote! Would you please? See you in a half an hour!