Birthday Card

[Verse 1] I was on my last warning from Mrs. Example Clean up my act, stop being an asshole Didn't help my debacle I'd just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy bar crawl Something quite bate about today's date It was hard to locate, I'd drunk too much Pernod Took another swipe with my Mach 3 Turbo Then it hit me like a raging inferno [Hook] I don't believe it, I Forgot her bloody birthday card She won't be a happy girl Forgot her bloody birthday card She gonna scream and yell Forgot her bloody birthday card She'll leave me man, she might as well Forgot her bloody birthday card [Verse 2] I try to keep things relative Never give edicts to myself if I can But I can only think negative Used to tell her shit like I'd lost my pen Now there's a chance that I'll never see her face again So I walk a fine line, but it's not the end See, I bought her a voucher for H&M She can get a new skirt and she'll look the part And if it don't work, pour out my heart [Spoken] Look, yeah, I'm going to be completely honest with you, you know I love you, you know I respect you At the end of the day, a birthday card is just a piece of paper innit? In an envelope Yeah I know a voucher is a piece of paper too Yeah, but you can get a skirt with that Well you can get shoes then Wait, wait, allow that, allow that Wait, nah that's bullshit, I can't do that Can't sound like a wanker with girly chat So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station Cause their cards are perfect for any occasion I drop my razor and splash my boat I grab some tracky B's and a random coat Then I'm on it with a wallet and I hit the pavement I'm running down the street with my face half shaven I'm getting stronger and stronger, my legs are burning There's still hope yet, just a couple of turnings See the longer I wander the more I'm screwed She gets here at 10 and it's quarter to [Hook] [Verse 3] I get to the garage, panick, scanning the rack 99 percent of the range is all crap "Happy Birthday Dad", "World's Best Mother" "I Love You Sister", "You're a Special Brother" No other bloody card with a cover for a lover Plus I'm getting kinda stressed as I search for another But this one struck me, it's pink and funky With a cartoon print of a drunken monkey There's a chance that I'll make it, I'm nearly done I hand in the coins and it's time to run Now it's 5 minutes to and I'm nearly home I feel the vibration and check my phone The message reads, "Honey, I'll be there shortly I just got off the bus and I've started walking" So like Kelly Holmes I sprint the home straight I rip my tracky B's as I hurdle the gate (Shit!) I crash through the door, and fall up the stairs Looking like I've been in intensive care The Biro's fucked, the pencil's broken I grab a Magic Marker and write a token Of my appreciation for her And the things that she does that make her so per-fect Shit, there's the bell I seal the envelope it should all be swell Look, here she is, my Kiera Knightly She gives me a kiss and I hug her tightly She asks why I've only shaved half my face And sweating like I've just come first in some race "I got up extra early To exercise and stretch my thighs So I could see my special girly" She looks in my eyes and sees my lies With a dubious face she accepts the card (Here you go) She reads it, drops it and slaps me hard (What?) I open it up and prepare for doom The text in the card reads "Get Well Soon" (Damn) [Hook] [Outro: spoken] Okay, yeah, I admit, yeah, I messed up. I messed up big time But have I got a surprise for you Yep, nah nah, wait for it I booked us a table... At Nando's No, s-. where are you going? Seriously, where are you going? It's only a card!