13 Ways

"Today boys and girls we have a special speaker in the house tonight And he's gonna teach you about life and death" I was born a God damn failure Dropped outta school, let me tell ya Found me a nickel and lost a dime My whole life story came true in a rhyme I don't know what the fuck was on my mind I tried suicide 4 or 5 times Tried to take a razor to my wrist but it didn't work And it seems I'm the only one that's gettin' hurt Now I gotta bullet in the chamber, dripping sweat I decide to play a game of Russian Roulette Click, click, click I guess I loose I didn't win So I decide to do it again and again Now it's gettin' borin' cause I keep on loosin' I guess I'm kinda cruisin' for a bruisin' Then I take a knife and put a 6 in my head 3 times then I say I wish I was dead Blood drippin' off my forehead And then I'm lyin' in my deathbed, but I'm not dead I gotta headache so I'm gettin' somethin' for it see I take some Tylenols, about 23 So what you wanna follow me I got 13 ways to commit suicide Who would like to hang from a tree? "I would I would," then listen close to me You get some sturdy rope and put it 'round your neck Tie a real good knot, or the shit won't work It's best to put it in a noose Just incase you have second thoughts you can't get loose Now we're at number 6 This a real goody no special effects or countertricks Tie a big rock to your foot no mistakes Then jump your ass in a deep lake Get yourself some gas, then drink that shit Then drink some more, then you smoke the cigarette Or better yet, get real drunk and take a real long drive On the freeway down the wrong side Brother you're bound to make a hit It's like lettin' a pitbull suck a dick So if you wanna follow me I got 13 ways to commit suicide Now we're on number 11 Did you know suicidalists didn't go to heaven? 'No where they go man?" take another guess Matter fact take another suicidal test This is what you do man Go jump your monkey ass off a real tall building And then you live through that one You get reincarnated mean you get to come back son But I seriously doubt that Cause you been tryin' to kill yourself you don't give a shit about that All you wanna do is die Maybe motherfuckers kill themselves but don't know why But I know why I'm teachin' you this "Why?" Should you have to kill yourself, you don't miss To prevent a miss, you put a gun in your mouth And blow your fuckin' brains out Fuck your mommy, fuck your daddy, nobody cares Look how they treated you over the years What you oughta do is kill them then you A suicidalist dream come true So if you wanna follow me I got 13 ways to commit suicide