This Is Hell

[Chorus] This is hell, this is hell I am sorry to tell you It never gets better or worse But you get used to it after a spell For heaven is hell in reverse [Verse 1] The bruiser spun a hula hoop As all the barmen preen and pout The neon "i" of nightclub flickers on and off And finally blew out The irritating jingle Of the belly-dancing phoney turkish girls The eerie glare of ultra violet Perfect dental work [Chorus] [Verse 2] The failed don juan in the big bow-tie Is very sorry that he spoke For he's mislaid his punchline More than halfway through a very tasteless joke The fraulein caught him peeking down her gown He's yelling in her ear And all at once the music stopped As he was intimately bellowing "my dear . . ." [Chorus] [Verse 3] The shirt you wore with courage And the violent nylon suit Reappear upon your back And undermine the polished line you try to shoot It's not the torment of the flames That finally see your flesh corrupted It's the small humiliations that your memory piles up This is hell, this is hell, this is hell "My favourite things" are playing Again and again But it's by julie andrews And not by john coltrane Endless balmy breezes and perfect sunsets framed Vintage wine for breakfast And naked starlets floating in champagne All the passions of your youth Are tranquillised and tamed You may think it looks familiar Though you may know it by another name [Chorus] This is hell, this is hell