Stepfather Factory

(Burrrrp) Oh, yeah, oh, you son of a bitches (It gets so fuckin' crabby in this booth, man) (It's like 90 degrees in here) (Smells like Satan's toilet) (I'm gonna build) a Stepfather Factory The latest in technology Stepfather Factory Jobs for the community A Stepfather Factory The age of familial industry A Stepfather Factory Building tomorrow's fathers today A Stepfather Factory The latest in technology Stepfather Factory Jobs for the community A Stepfather Factory The age of familial industry Building tomorrow's fathers today Spilling the leftovers of creational clay We grew with the concept now we're ready to go public Today's a big day for the company A big step for the little-steppers who slept for years uncomfortably Little man, little lady, cute little baby Reach your hand out to the future of automated robotics On display here for the first time in (enter year here) At the World's fair - but is it really? Ladies and Gentlemen I propose that the market is sinking Under the weight of useless contraptions added to the shopping carts of all hard-working families Electric doodads and wizar haps and such to keep the munchkins entertained But get replaced by newer versions or just breakdown systematically Mothers - how many times have you debated self-euthanasia tablets for breakfast snacks When restlessness attacks seemingly at random? With an emptiness inside that's hard to identify, maybe Pursuing obvious like pill-popping and constant overeating? Chances are you've been abandoned Well I'm no scientist, that's not what I went to school for And I'm not a doctor, so I don't know much about medicine But I'm willing to bet that you, yes you little What's your name sweetheart? (wawa) yeah, whatever Get a funny feeling in your tummy when your mommy cries Something between woozy and confusion And you spend your thoughts on how the sadness In your mommy can be rooted out, burned, scorned, turned out, forgotten So you can concentrate on candy and little baby dolls or Whatever it is that normal kids get to think about Well I can honestly say that this invention is Let me start by saying we've grafted only the finest of Inserted the most high tech, state of the art, with brain charted for authentic True to human emotion and trained to be domestic Made from the most easily available materials and, uh, loosely inspected Guaranteed to revolutionize Perfectly realistic and even somewhat institutionally respected Robotic relative (That's why I'm gonna build) a Stepfather Factory The latest in technology A Stepfather Factory Jobs for the community A Stepfather Factory The age of familial industry A Stepfather Factory Building tomorrow's fathers today A Stepfather Factory The latest in technology A Stepfather Factory Jobs for the community Stepfather Factory The age of familial industry I'm not only the president, I'm a client So you purchased a paternal unit, class A type 1 A new addition to your living room space, watch it go Under warranty for at least 90 days, so have fun If in that time frame there's a problem, please let us know Before you start there's a few details that you must learn Technical specs about your unit to make things run smooth In an effort to find an energy source our company's learned The cheapest way to keep his battery running is with booze Plug it in, give it a name, man of the house, help sustain Wear the pants, you can relax, one of the pack, nucular fam (literally nuclear) Brings us to the safety chapter Section 87 in your handbook subsection 16 entitled Troubleshooting Fuel sources are at a slight risk of mixing With the crispy plutonium center Of your automated new spouse and then driven Possibly leading to the unpredicted stimulation of its artificial emotion circuits And in a few unsubstantiated clinical trials this condition Has led to simulated feelings of resentment and worthlessness Manifested in the highly unlikely but still possible act Of physical aggression towards you and your loved ones fleshy surfaces Remember, no cash returns Only credits towards future purchases "Why are you making me hurt you? I love you." "Why are you making me hurt you? I love you." "Why are you making me hurt you? I love you." "Why are you making me hurt you? I love you."