Bastard

You know what? I just woke up in a coma With a boner, I think that last Corona made me sober Or maybe I just died, maybe I'm just high Cause I just turned my main bit to my lady on the side, yeah I'm a couple cakes short of a slice You thought you could try, you thought I wasn't naughty but nice You can have the lord on your side, but I swear More than one of you squares, you'll die like the plural for dice She was into stuff, I got her to pick me up Now I'm playing FIFA while I'm getting my willy sucked Just conceded a goal, but I don't give a fuck Cause I'm getting my willy sucked I'm going to hell, I'm going, I know so But before I go, I wanna go to the MOBOs Roll out the black carpet Cause I'm a fucking mixed-race black bastard John Terry agrees, I tell a blonde "get on your knees Baby, show me how your life's more fun" She asked "how you doing?", I replied "your mum" She was like "awesome", I was like "you're dumb" And it don't make any sense, but nor does the fact Your broad's living on my balls and she don't pay any rent Don't be taking offence to what I'm saying again What am I saying again? Fucking, um... A couple bad bitches both tryna suck mine At the same time, got a nigga feeling tongue-tied Uh, if life sucks, let it suck nice Both double Ds, two girls, one cup size This could get political, surely Party in my pants and it isn't the Tories I-I-I told her "you've got five seconds to leave 1, 2, 3, 4 5, get on your knees" She said she ain't sucking me What? I wonder if tea-bagging's her cup of tea Mother, fucker, straight from the gutter Plus I only love her if she makes me a cuppa Uh, I only love her if her face says she's coming You had three whole minutes, you could've faked it or something Or something, oh well, the world still spins As long as your wallet is still fat and your girl's still thin Yeah, yeah I guess I really am a fucking bastard