Rikky Riley vs Shuffle-T (Round One)

[Shuffle-T] So I've got another old dude to battle But he is surely older His knees are really weak you see, he keeps on falling over His liver's ruptured, it's pretty fucked and it's been performing slower So if he says he wants a piece of me it's because he needs an organ donor That teacher after school on a weekday swag Everything you own - TK Maxx In your Vauxhall Nova with the seat laid back 'Cos he's slipped more discs than a DJ has So since you're such a properly old prick Let's take it back to when you were a more commonly known kid 'Cos even then you were just a follower to Osh, Rikk But you were part of a duo with a comic approach, shit Comic duo called Steve & Rikky, that's obviously noted The same names as the guys that got The Office to blow big And got popular so quick which got them on those gigs So this is like when Gervais split off into showbiz to follow his own shit With his inconsistent comedy road trips 'Cos if you hear a hotline and the quality don't mix That's Steven's Merchant, he probably wrote it See someone needs to give this Scouser a hand Because I don't want to let the cat out of the bag But in Liverpool he's the weakest out of the clan He's either baby Oshea or the calcium man 'Cos you and Osh probably write your battles together as partners So you've got Oshea there, who's an actual technical grafter The bars he gives to you always gather hysterical laughter The bars you give to him are the bars where he looks at the camera and says 'Terrible' after And yet he's acting like he's killing these kid MCs, you sicken me Like everyone around you is in Little League, Rikky please Your shitty frees and similes make Ricky C's in Distinction, Leeds Look like Chrissy Lees' delivery versus Tricky P's best written scheme See you look like Mr Bean Crossed somehow with Austin Powers, fucking man of mystery You promote the imagery that British people have shitty teeth Listen please, Listerine So you're fucked if you're thinking Ricky's cool His style is still in middle school I know we're in your city's rule, but you'll get your innards ripped and pulled I roll them into little balls, go over and grip the chalk Throw them on the table and we can all play liver-snooker! [Rikky Riley] So, he's mentioning me and Oshea and we both know that Oshea's best But Oshea's making a new album and he says I can be on it, so he says But we all know I'm really unlikely to cut it in terms of successfully battling Shuflet because I believe what his missus said that time he left the headboard slimed See after she'd recovered she stuck her head out of the covers and noted: 'You've come such a long way in such a short time' You'd get on better with her if the sex was good And if you didn't look exactly like the naughty one out of The Breakfast Club If you used a face trimmer, you'd be the spit of Ace Rimmer Your missus' massive clit's probably the only time you've ever tasted a kipper Your horrible multi schemes are most definitely very shit And they're more self-indulgent than the entire filmography of Kevin Smith It's not my job to tell you when to stop But if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say each of your verses is three stories too many, like sweat shops in Bangladesh You're sort of in love with the the most whorish of sluts That can factually be said Plus it's true that she's had scores on her bum, she's quite sore in her cunt 'Cos many a man has passed her cash to perform sexual acts Now that must torture you son, but here's a thought for you son Since her gash is expensive it's probably true that since performing with cum is her source of income ,that probably exempts her from the bedroom tax Now, this guy performs in Heads In Hats, which is some kind of comedy group, they're online, they do have fan I don't know which sketch I enjoyed more, the one that was a rip off of Nathan Barley or the ones that were a rip off of Brasseye and Jam See if you want to so obviously rob the wit of Chris Morris Why not just drop into his office and nick a script from it - it'd be a bit more honest Plus it would probably be funny too, so er yeah, why not But the worst thing about you Adam, is when you kick a footy lad, your shoe flies off