Ugly Brothers

“Brothers out there with sisters, peep it!” “My, my... you look so funny.” “You mean funny, ha-ha, or funny, sheesh!?” “I mean funny, yeech!” Chorus: I got a sister, she's hot. And quite frankly, I'm not For those of you who might be a little dumber, that makes me her ugly brother And that's what this song is about, so if you got a sibling hotter than you, scream and shout C'mon, let it all out: those years of pain. Cause me and Format feel the same For my first three years I was an only child But I guess to my parents, I was looking lonely while I laid up in the crib Until one of them said "Let's have another kid!" To which I replied "Hell no, don't do it!" But all they heard was "Ga-ga-ga" "Oh, what a cute kid And Allen, just look at his precious little baby frown He can't wait to have his new sibling around." From that point on I had nothing to lose, I'd interrupt the mood Whenever my dad would try to bust a move, I'd throw the ill f*£!in' tantrum Until they sent my bubby in, she'd be like, "Oy vey! Chill, grandson." But I'd just keep screaming Until my mum would run in worried, my dad mad steaming From the sexual tension Until one week I caught a throat infection That left me unable to evoke a sound My parents slept in a separate room but I knew what was going down And sure enough, nine months passed I got a brand new baby sister and I can already tell she's going to be a pain in the ass... (chorus) It's really not a reason to be feeling blue, cause me and Format know what you're going through So the years passed, and like B-boys Me and my sister matured. At high school, I rolled with the nerds: Puny kids with orthodontic work and glasses My sister's the polar opposite: cutting classes Smoking grass in bathrooms with heavy metal dropouts How can I put it? She was a knockout Now get off the phone with the shrink's receptionist Because I'm not incestuous. It's just I think it's safe to guess that it's not my sister's in depth political perspective that's so fascinating To these Tasmanian-devil-tattooed, Budweiser-shotgunning, contemporary cavemen I'm not bitter my sister's hotter than me I had a crappy hand in the genetic lottery My parents laugh and say I was the practice run Then my mum feels bad and says, "You have inner beauty, son." What does that mean, hot !*n' tonsils? Girls are hostile cause my eyes are smaller than my nostrils Modelling agents telling my sister that she's sure hot Only gigs I'm getting are as the before shots For electrolysis clinics Lack of action making me a chronic cynic But at least I'm not alone as I wallow in my misery Just take a look at Format as he stands next to his sister She's a heavenly vision, slender like a swan's neck When it comes to Format, God's like, "no comment" Feet to make a Sasquatch think "What a freak!" Behind the tables he looks like a nose dropping beats "But Abs, isn't that like the on pot calling the kettle black?" True, cause when we face each other on stage it looks like a goddamn fencing match It's no better when we stand back to back Cause then we come across as some sort of human pick-axe So if you're like us: ugly with a hot sister Then straight up, might I be so bold as to suggest That we arrange a swap, mister? (chorus) And we can put you down for the winning team, cause me and Format know what you mean