Self Portrait

[Verse 1: Dirty Dike] This is my self portrait Wrapped up warm in my North Face Gliding through storms and doorways And rhyme 'til my jaw breaks Sure mate a vision of me With the television smashed and the sizzling beef And I'm steady living, trapped in the rhythm and beat And my head is spinning, smacked up hitting the weed And I guess it isn't bad if it helps me adjust But I'll tell you it's mad when it delves in my trust And affects it, so that's a lesson mate use it Seems that I have to be depressed to make music Unless my face cubic, I'll break out the surface Never played stupid, my guessing game's worthless As I step on the wetter rain dirt It's a lot more certain I never played her kids One step ahead of my definite loss Trying to fight my battle, but the weapon is blocked Am I ever going to be the main game or a weather turner Never gonna be my own brain or a clever learner I'll pedal further to make heads turn I'm hooked like a maggot or a baked dead worm So is this hatred? Happiness or maybe fake Confused by my life, but I play the game And stay the same insane in my crazy brain And paint my name on walls to claim the fame It's plainly lame [Verse 2: Dirty Dike] I can't find my reflection, the puddle's been clouded Blind from deception, another kid frowning Why must I step with the rubble and the sand dunes My mind seems fucked from the trouble and the bad news My dad used to say to keep sane "Keep up James and don't live the clean way" But he's blatantly strange, faking his ways From a crazy age I watched him pacing away Chasing the pathways, lost with the lights out Raving with class mates, cost of a life now The lessons learnt by the fresher burn victims I once beat a kid to the ground then I kicked him Switch the sickness to friends and favours Strong as a shield when I bend your sabers Free from the jail, the dark and Darth Vader Tarnish my past, live fast and laugh later This is dark, my answers scarce paper Grasp in the last chamber, enhance my heart's neighbour And thats my soul or my brain, or the golden maze of my swollen veins Or my body parts drenched in the rain as the lorries pass Motorways stains stay fake like a bobbie's mask Got to pass out this rap in a sore state Love to be free, but I'm trapped in my portrait