Animus

[Verse 1] Living my life tryna carry on, siting in pain, they told me to be strong But agony strikes me so deep, don’t know how long I will last, this journey is too long Hard mornings and hard nights, every moment and day I struggle through the mental fight Losing hope, the mist blinds my sight, confidence disappearing in the twilight Dreamchasers, unbelievers, stargazers, fazers, fantasizers, and disrupters Ambition and uncertainty seems to connect one another, not sure why but they tie together But I’ve experienced enough of this disbelief, my kin was supposed to believe in me Guess not, so now I gotta prove it somehow to others that they may see my possible dreams [Verse 2] Was weak in shape and in suffering, people say I wasn’t rough enough, so I had to toughen up Wanted somebody to notice when I was down, knocked down, and had the simple love of helping me up Walking through the valley of shadow of death, faced early struggles I didn’t see anyone beside me Even though I tried to make you see, you thought I had bad attitude, where was the support I seeked Uh, was that so much to ask for, something so small, felt the heat and was getting desperate But now I made it through, no thanks to you, so next time recognize the obvious get a clue Cause I made friends out of toys, created names and personalities for my hands, desultory games Stuffed animals slept beside me, day dreaming my true world, people take me as insane The fact is I turned my very own creativity and imagination into my own happiness It only lasted so long though, till actuality hit me, started to feel the pain of loneliness 101 Fahrenheit, teeth ache, body soiled, 3rd degrees, stressed work, operations, y’all helped me through all of that But you didn’t carry me through isolation, I did it all alone, hear the animus in my rap [Verse 3] A woman on the street and the yellow wallpaper, don’t a give care if I’m an outsider In fact I like to be one, cause I am not a robot, don’t waste your life, be a rebel, be a fighter Sometimes the ones you call friends be who envy the most, like Loso going B.E.T on friends and haters Better switch your sixth sense onto activated, hurry listen to me now and then thank me later Broken bonds of the brotherhood, both of you shattered the triangle of the Three Musketeers So from then on I just cut others off, holding no longer, now I have nothing to fear Followed the crowd, chasing popularity and fame, forgot loyalty and left me in dust But now I understand that the cool kids don’t run wit the nerds, so they just do as they must Uh, only a few years, well I’m surprised, it’s super amazing how people can change so fast I was so foolish to think the good times were gonna last, that’s why they call it the past Don’t act like you can’t figure out who this is out to, yeah you know who you are Wanna mess with the legendary, well you can find me under a black cloud, I'm a dark star [Verse 4] My heart, my skin, my bones, my brain, my nerves, supernova bout to rip, break, and explode Strength rotting, going away flake after flake, after birth December awaits me, young meets cold Sucking away my life, getting drowsy and torpid, fb and Google part of the internet generation Tryna fall back, but it’s hard and addicting, got me outta character, changed me I’m now not patient Can’t lie ‘bout my hatred, sick and tired of the whiteboard, I won’t be defined by letters and numbers Never had been good at the studies, breaking culture stereotypes with eyes and grade calibers Fool’s Paradise put me into comatose into fallout, then got rejuvenated into a detoxified artist Listening to the same old music, got my rehab from Lecrae, no need for anymore therapists Sorry for the rambling, meet Sigma, if ya don’t know him you don’t know me as well as ya think Can’t keep up wit the rhymes, don’t be like my old iPod, fix up, function correctly and sync Yeah I ain’t afraid of being me, used to be meek now I ain’t, unashamed to be the real JGKC Friends and stepping stones all the same to me, all I can do is go to bed and weep Guess I failed the trials, wished I could’ve passed and not do this frenzy of a tormented soul Father in heaven I need a cure, please free and heal me of my desolation before I get too old Something is stirring within me, the murk is unleashing, identity crisis I’m losing command Man, God, what have I become, sometimes even I don’t know who I am