Jasmine [c. 2013]

[Verse 1: College Smart] Starting this song is harder for me than starting conversations Slowing down my words while my mind tries to keep my thoughts racing The fuck I take these pills for? Or maybe I'm just never satisfied with a normal life and I ain't got the will for it Maybe I'm just burnt out Or maybe I'm depressed If that's the case then I need her more than ever while I get this off my chest Nowadays I find it hard to see myself in the mirror Cause all I see is my regrets Everytime I try to move forward The farther I regress Feels like 100 days since we last spoke But I keep reading though our texts She said she loved me but she can’t love me enough to help her deal with all the stress This hurts too much, somebody help How can she deal with all my shit if I ain’t strong enough to deal with it myself? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Why did this sounds so familiar? Same shit my father used to tell my mother Push her to her last straw then tell her he loves her And apologize and apologize like 20 times over Knowing that it always blows over Until that last straw he had to throw on the camels back She had the last cigarette from her Camel pack And the stress overflowed her, she told him “pack your shit ‘cause it’s over” Then he spent the night on Uncle Dick’s sofa And he never came back… He never came back [Hook: College Smart] I love my father but I promise I won’t tell you the same lies as him I’d give up anything to know I'd never make you cry again And if there is a god then he can take me if I'm lying I’d give up anything to know I'd never make you cry again [Hook: College Smart] It’s 4AM and I’ve been staring at the ceiling For an hour, all the while I’ve been processing my feelings I was faking I was sleeping She hears my heart beating as she’s leaving I know she knows I worry about her creeping But I don’t want her to to think I worry for no reason Cause she just got a 3am text and after checking She got dressed and she up and left without us speaking What would you think? Tonight I promised not to feel them feelings But it started with that drink The last time she stole my heart she left with everything Except the kitchen sink Can you blame me? I find it easier to just blame her Why can’t she make it easy hate her? I can’t do it, she’s too unusual She’s too smart, too funny and too beautiful She’s too selfish, won’t let me go to sleep She staying in my dreams Which has turned all of my days into nightmares And now I can’t tell the difference I reached out to her cause I swear last time she was right there But now she’s gone [Hook: College Smart] I love my father but I promise I won’t tell you the same lies as him I’d give up anything to know I'd never make you cry again And if there is a god then he can take me if I'm lying I’d give up anything to know I'd never make you cry again [Verse 3: College Smart] Although it hurts, I mean it when I say I wish her well What would you think if I said I believe in fairy tales I grew up like Aladdin, was on my way to being a bad man Then came across a woman like Jasmine Who picked me off the ground She saved me from the depths of that rock bottom I found I’m grateful, and at this point I admit it feels bittersweet to thank her So I just watch as she walk away And as the clock strikes 12 I ask for one more chance The bar is open til 1 can I get one more dance? Eyes peeled in the parking lot, looking for her glass slipper Who am I kidding? I know she only wear high heels And her chariot, traded in that pumpkin for a beamer So this could be the last time I see her ‘Cause I know, yeah I know, I know She means it when we break up Yet when I’m drunk I’m waiting on texts She probably thinks I’m waiting on sex But I’m still staring at my ceiling reflecting I wonder if we’ll ever reach our happy ending