Ever So Clear

See, most of my life I never had shit I felt like an outcast, treated like a misfit Damn near didn't make it on my day of birth Thinking was I really supposed to be on this planet earth I take a deep breath, and then another follows Cause hard shit is kinda hard to swallow See, it's rough being a loner Not knowing any given day and time I could wind up a goner See, people got it bad from jump street And being short is just another strike against me I used to get funny looks cause I was small And trying to make it was like running through a brick wall Given the odds I was up against, bro The average nigga would've quit a long time ago But now I've got a record out I'm doing shows, people paying to see me turn it out Now I'm the spice around town It's funny how an album can change a nigga's life around I got friends and bitches on my dick But when they look at Richard all they see is Bushwick Sometimes I don't know a friend from a foe And every different day it's a different fuckin ho And now that my pockets are getting bigger I'm meeting hoes who only wanna juice a nigga They tell me that they love me and all that But really they just wait for me to fall flat So they can get me for my income Take me for all I got, and then some Like Trina, you dig I fucked up and got too attached to the bitch's kid Knowing that she used the baby to use me Took him out my life, mentally abusing me But as the time went by I got another slimmy And she was just like the first one screaming "Gimme" But not in the exact same way She had a different type of game she liked to play Her name was Crystal, she played the quiet type And for a little while shit seemed alright But just like the first ho, homie When shit got hectic, the bitch broke out on me And it's getting out of hand, gee Cause nobody seems to understand me Reminiscing got me feeling kinda low I broke out the Ever-Clear and then I drunk some mo' Until it was all gone Now I'm looking for somebody to take my pain out on But not just anybody, gee I'mma take that on to Mica cause she's the closest to me Full of that Ever-Clear and high on that buddah Get to the house all I'm thinking 'bout is shooting her Cause shooting her would be sweet But you know what'd be sweeter? if I make her shoot me Call me crazy, but that's what I'm thinking I'm tripping, from all that smoking weed and drinking But I knew she wouldn't do it on her own, so I provoked her Punched her, kicked her, and chocked her She still wouldn't grab the gun And at that time I wasn't thinking about no one Damn near crazy I went and grabbed the baby Held him by the door and said I'mma throw his ass out, ho She went to crying, somebody stop him I said: you better grab the motherfucking gun or I'mma drop him She snatched the baby out of my hands We started fighting, punching, scratching, and biting When we fell on the bed, check this shit All kinds of crazy shit was going through my head So I ran and got the gun and came back to her Loaded it up and handed the gat to her I grabbed her hand and placed the gun to my eye muscle She screamed stop and then we broke into another tussle Yo, during the fight the gun went off quick Damn! Aw shit, I'm hit ("Aw... my eye, I can't see Why you shoot me in the eye? I would've shot you in the body Why you shot me in the eye?") Riding in the ambulance everything is hectic I can't get a grip, I just can't check this Everybody's crying, could it be I'm dying Bullet in my head, in the bed was lying Where's Mica? I wanna tell her I love her With an IV in my arm I took a picture for an album cover Goddamn, the shit's a trip, gee 5 different doctors with needles trying to stick me I hear my family hollering he needs us During the confusion, man, I seen Jesus My mom's on the phone long-distance from New York Here comes the doctors again trying to rip me apart I got a monkey on my back, I can't shake it I'm having suicidal thoughts, hoping that I don't make it But I'mma make it cause something's steady urging me 5 hours passed, I made it through surgery And the doctor said I wouldn't make it through the night But god told me everything is gonna be alright And I'm glad that I'm here, gee But it's fucked up I had to lose an eye to see shit clearly