If I Was the Priest

[Verse 1] There's a light on yonder mountain And it's calling me to shine There's a girl over by the water fountain And she's asking to be mine And Jesus is standing in the doorway In a buckskin jacket, boots and spurs so fine He says, "We need you son tonight up in Dodge City 'Cause there's just too many outlaws trying to work the same line" [Chorus] Now if Jesus was a sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief If Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There's still too many bad boys trying to work the same line [Verse 2] Well sweet Virgin Mary runs the Holy Grail saloon Well for a nickel she'll give you whiskey and a personally blessed balloon And the Holy Ghost is the host with the most, he runs the burlesque show Where they'll let you in for free and they hit you when you go Mary serving Mass on Sunday and she sells her body on Monday To the bootlegger who paid the highest price He don't know he got stuck with a loser, she's a stone junkie what's more she's a user She's only been made once or twice by some kind of magic [Chorus] If Jesus was a sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief And Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There's still too many outlaws trying to work the same line [verse 3] Well things ain't been the same in heaven since Big Bad Bobby came to town He's been known to down eleven, then ask for another round Me I've got scabs on my knees from kneeling way too long It's about time I played the man, took a stand where I belong And I forget about the old friends and the old times There's just too many new boys trying to work the same line [Chorus] Well if Jesus was a sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief And Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There's just too many outlaws trying to work the same line [Bridge] Well there's a light on yonder mountain And it's calling me to shine There's a girl over by the water fountain She's asking to be mine Jesus is standing in the doorway Six gun drawn and ready to fan Said, "We need you tonight son up in Dodge City" Told him I was already overdue for Cheyenne [Chorus] If Jesus was the sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief And Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There's still too many bad boys trying to work the same line If Jesus was the sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief And Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There's still too many bad boys trying to work the same line [Outro] If Jesus was the sheriff and I was the priest