Making Things Up Again

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] And lo, the Lord said unto the Nephites: "I know you're really depressed, what with all your... AIDS And everything... but there is an answer in Christ." [NABULUNGI:] You see? This book CAN help us! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] I just told a lie No, I didn't LIE I just used my imagination And it worked! [CUNNINGHAMS FATHER][Chorus:] You're making things up again, Arnold [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] But it worked, dad! [CUNNINGHAMS FATHER:] Youre stretching the truth again And you know it [JOSEPH SMITH] Dont be a Fibbing Fran, Arnold [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Joseph Smith...? [SMITH AND FATHER:] Because a lie is a lie [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Its not a lie! [MORONI, MORMON, SMITH, and FATHER:][Chorus] [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Oh, conscience! [MORONI, MORMON, SMITH, and FATHER:] You're taking the holy word And adding fiction! Be careful how you proceed, Arnold When you fib, there's a price [MIDDALA:] Ahh, this it bullshit! The story I'VE been told is that the way to cure AIDS is by sleeping with a virgin! I'm gonna go and rape a baby! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] What?! Oh my-NO! You can't do that!!! NO! [MIDDALA:] Why not?! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Because that is DEFINITELY against Gods will! [MIDDALA:] Says who?! Where in that book of yours does it say ANYTHING about sleeping with a baby, huh?! Nowhere [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Uh, behold! The Lord said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith "You SHALL NOT have sex with that infant!" LO! Joseph said: "Why not, Lord? Huh? Why not?" And the Lord said "If you lay with an infant, you shall.... Burn in the fiery pits of Mordar!!!" [MIDDALA:] Really? [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Uh-uh... Uh-uh! "A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith I shall give unto you... a FROG! And thus Joesph laid with the frog, and his AIDS was no more! [UGANDANS:] Ohhhhh! [MORONI, MORMON, SMITH, and DAD][Chorus:] You're making things up again, Arnold You're recklessly warping The words of Jesus! [HOBBITS:] You can't just say what you want, Arnold! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Come, on, Hobbits! [ALL:] You're digging yourself a deep hole! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] I'm making things up again...kind of But this time, its helping A dozen people! Its nothing so bad, because this time I'm not committing a sin Just by making things up again, right?! [ALL:] NO! [NABULUNGI:] Elder Cunningham, you have to stop him! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] What? What is it? [NABULUGI:] Gotswana is going to cut off his daughters clitoris! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Huh?! [GOTSWANA:] This is all very interesting But WOMEN have to be circumcised if that's what the General wants! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] No, no, doing that to a lady is definitely against Gods will! [GOTSWANA:] How do you know?! Christ never said NOTHIN bout no clitoris! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] YES! YES HE DID! In ancient New York, three men were about to cut off a Mormon womans...clitoris But...right before they did, Jesus had... BOBA FETT turn em into FROGS! [GOTSWANA:] Frogs? [ASMERET:] You mean like the frogs that got fucked by Joseph Smith?! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Right! Right! Like THOSE frogs! For a clitoris is holy amongst ALL things, said he! [MORONI, MORMON, SMITH, DAD, and HOBBITS:] You're making things up again, Arnold [UGANDANS:] Were learning the truth! [Chorus:] You're taking the holy word And adding fiction! [UGANDANS:] The truth about God! [Chorus:] Be careful how you proceed, Arnold When you fib, there's a price! [UGANDANS:] Were going to paradise! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Who would have thought I had this magic touch? Who'dve believe I could Man up this much? I'm talking, their listening My stories are glistening I'm gonna save them all With this stuff! [UGANDANS:] Ooooh- La [Chorus] [UGANDANS:] Elder Cunningham! [Chorus] [UGANDANS:] Holy prophet man! [Chorus] [UGANDANS:] Our savior! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] You're making things up again [WIZENED OLD JEDI MASTER:] Hmmm, up again making things you are- [ELDER CUNNINGHAM:] Arnold