Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues [Brandeis 1963]

Well, I was feelin’ sad and feelin’ blue I didn’t know what in the world I wus gonna do Them Communists they wus comin’ around They wus in the air They wus on the ground They wouldn’t gimme no peace . . So I run down most hurriedly And joined up with the John Birch Society I got me a secret membership card And started off a-walkin’ down the road Yee-hoo, I’m a real John Bircher now! Look out you Commies! Now we all agree with Hitler’s views Although he killed six million Jews It don’t matter too much that he was a Fascist At least you can’t say he was a Communist! That’s to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria Well, I wus lookin’ everywhere for them gol-darned Reds I got up in the mornin’ ’n’ looked under my bed Looked in the sink, behind the door Looked in the glove compartment of my car Couldn’t find ’em . . I wus lookin’ high an’ low for them Reds everywhere I wus lookin’ in the sink an’ underneath the chair I looked way up my chimney hole I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl They got away . . Well, I wus sittin’ home alone an’ started to sweat Figured they wus in my T.V. set Peeked behind the picture frame Got a shock from my feet, hittin’ right up in the brain Them Reds caused it! I know they did . . . them hard-core ones Well, I quit my job so I could work all alone Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes Followed some clues from my detective bag And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag! That ol’ Betsy Ross . . Well, I investigated all the books in the library Ninety percent of ’em gotta be burned away I investigated all the people that I knowed Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go The other two percent are fellow Birchers . . . just like me Now Eisenhower, he’s a Russian spy Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy To my knowledge there’s just one man That’s really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight When I run outa things to investigate Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself! Hope I don’t find out anything . . . hmm, great God!