Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues

[Verse 1] Well, I was feeling sad and feeling’ blue I didn’t know what in the world I woos gonna do Them Communists they woos coming around They woos in the air They woos on the ground They wouldn’t give me no peace [Verse 2] So I run down most hurriedly And joined up with the John Birch Society I got me a secret membership card And started off a-walking down the road Yee-hoo, I’m a real John Bircher now! Look out you Commies! [Verse 3] Now we all agree with Hitler’s views Although he killed six million Jews It don’t matter too much that he was a Fascist At least you can’t say he was a Communist! That’s to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria [Verse 4] Well, I woos looking everywhere for them gol-darned Reds I got up in the morning and looked under my bed Looked in the sink, behind the door Looked in the glove compartment of my car Couldn’t find them [Verse 5] I woos looking high and low for them Reds everywhere I woos looking in the sink and underneath the chair I looked way up my chimney hole I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl They got away [Verse 6] Well, I woos sitting home alone and started to sweat Figured they woos in my T.V. set Peeked behind the picture frame Got a shock from my feet, hitting right up in the brain Them Reds caused it! I know they did them hard-core ones [Verse 7] Well, I quit my job so I could work all alone Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes Followed some clues from my detective bag And discovered they woos red stripes on the American flag! That old Betsy Ross [Verse 8] Well, I investigated all the books in the library Ninety percent of them gotta be burned away I investigated all the people that I know Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go The other two percent are fellow Birchers just like me [Verse 9] Now Eisenhower, he’s a Russian spy Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy To my knowledge there’s just one man That’s really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell I know for a fact he hates Commies because he picketed the movie Exodus [Verse 10] Well, I finally started thinking straight When I run out of things to investigate Couldn’t imagine doing anything else So now I’m sitting home investigating myself! Hope I don’t find out anything hmm, great God!