I Shall Be Free

[Verse 1] Well, I took me a woman late last night I’s three-fourths drunk, she looked uptight She took off her wheel, took off her bell Took off her wig, said, “How do I smell?" I hot-footed it bare-naked Out the window! [Verse 2] Well, sometimes I might get drunk Walk like a duck and stomp like a skunk Don’t hurt me none, don’t hurt my pride Because I got my little lady right by my side (Right there Proud as can be) [Verse 3] I’s out there painting on the old woodshed When a can a black paint it fell on my head I went down to scrub and rub But I had to sit in back of the tub (Cost a quarter And I had to get out quick Someone wanted to come in and take a sauna) [Verse 4] Well, my telephone rang it would not stop It’s President Kennedy calling me up He said, “My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?” I said, “My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot Anita Ekberg Sophia Loren” (Put them all in the same room with Ernest Borgnine!) [Verse 5] Well, I got a woman sleeps on a cot She yells and hollers and squeals a lot Licks my face and tickles my ear Bends me over and buys me beer (She’s a honeymooner A June crooner A spoon feeder And a natural leader) [Verse 6] Oh, there is no use in me working so heavy I got a woman who works on the levee Pumping that water up to her neck Every week she sends me a monthly check (She’s a humdinger Folk singer Dead ringer For a thing-a-hum jigger) [Verse 7] Late one day in the middle of the week Eyes were closed I was half asleep I chased me a woman up the hill Right in the middle of an air-raid drill It was Little Bo Peep! (I jumped a fallout shelter I jumped a bean stalk I jumped a Ferris wheel) [Verse 8] Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote He’s a-running for office on the ballot note He’s out there preaching in front of the steeple Telling me he loves all kinds-a people (He’s eating bagels He’s eating pizza He’s eating chitlins He’s eating bullshit!) [Verse 9] Oh, set me down on a television floor I’ll flip the channel to number four Out of the shower comes a grown-up man With a bottle of hair oil in his hand (It’s that greasy kid stuff What I want to know, Mr. Football Man, is What do you do about Willy Mays and Yul Brynner Charles de Gaulle And Robert Louis Stevenson?) [Verse 10] Well, the funniest woman I ever seen Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean She takes about fifteen baths a day Wants me to grow a cigar on my face (She’s a little bit heavy!) [Verse 11] Well, ask me why I’m drunk all the time It levels my head and eases my mind I just walk along and stroll and sing I see better days and I do better things (I catch dinosaurs I make love to Elizabeth Taylor Catch hell from Richard Burton!)