"What's Funny?"

[Intro:] My ex-girlfriend use to have a really weird fetish: Uh, she use to like to dress up as herself And act like a fucking bitch all the time [Verse 1:] My show is a little bit silly And a little bit pretentious Like Shakespeare's willy Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on It's also a little bit gay And a little bit offensive Like Thanksgiving Day Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on So, put your cell phones to vibrate And put your vibrators to "cell phone" mode Welcome to the show! It goes a little something like this: JOKE...(crowd doesn't laugh)...exactly Welcome to my flow! It flows a little something like this: With a rap and a dis And a swift wrap on the wrist A wrap and a kiss Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss Shit, I got a show that'll test ya kids Then, ask one question And that question is: [Hook:] What's funny? (x14) Funny... Oh yeah! [Verse 2:] Humor is often linked To shared experience Like, a guy gets up and says "Have you noticed that public restrooms Have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my god! Yes, I have! HA! HA! HA! Really good point They should fix that... It's good to know that Somebody finally gets me Because my wife divorced me Which subconsciously forced me To lose all sense of self So, it's nice to think about hand-dryers And not that cheating whore Because stand-up comedy Is actually pretty easy If you're an Asian comic Just get up and say "My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent." Then, just do a Chinese accent Because everybody laughs at the Chinese accent Because they privately thought That your people were laughable And now you've given them The chance to express that in public Ah yeah! If you're a musical comic Just give 'em a little weird voice inflection Then take a Viagra and slap them With a rock-hard misdirection [Hook:] What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny... F-f-unny... TOURETTES! What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny... [Verse 3:] Oh... When the audience says "When I was a baby Maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys." Now I'm older and bolder And just get mad cause I noticed The keys are to a Hummer Fuck my life I don't fuck my wife So, fuck my wife And fuck my life And my son is gay But not "sitcom gay" Daughter's a whore like another girl That used to be her mother But the marriage made her "Miss Merry Americana" I wanna teen Without screaming prima-donna But radical feminists Made my wife a man! Oh! And if I die happy The situation will be Autoerotic asphyxiation I hate my life And it hates me back! And my friend is black But I don't know what to call him So, I just call him "What up, Jamal?" Even though his name is Steve I hate my job I hate my life Hate my kids Hate my wife Jews would know I do it Judas beat me to it I'm slowly slipping into A solipsistic coma! And I masturbate Because I'm the only one Whose standards are low enough to fuck me! [Hook:] What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny... F-f-unny... *Pop* It's a boy! What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny... Yeah! Hopefully this...*blows raspberry*