Sad

(This is a song about how sad I am Just picture a depressed onion cutting himself.) I met a homeless man named Rich *He wasn't Isn't that terrible I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legs I saw a diabetic kid trick or treating *I saw a woman who had twelve miscarriages buy a carton of eggs *I saw a giraffe who had a short neck That was sad, or a deer I saw an old man get hit by a train He didn't see it in the pouring rain He didn't hear me shout "look out for the train" Cause I didn't say anything (I just thought to myself, "oh this is gonna be sad".) *And it was. I'm a genius I saw a man with only one eye in a 3D movie I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpse I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped and he hung himself I saw a kid with red hair I went to a store looking for something to buy But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy No, wait - this store sells mirrors See what I did there? Let's rock! No The world's so fucking sad bro *Pain, starvation, AIDs *Pain, war, genocide, racism, sexism But I gotta remember there are good things about it too Like the fact that none of that is happening to me Still though it's hard not to be sad about it How do y'all do it? I've been telling you terribly sad things this whole song you haven't been sad at all You’ve been laughing That’s it, laughter, it’s the key to everything It’s the way to solve all the sadness in the world I mean, not for people who are actually said, but for the people like us who’ve gotta fucking deal with ‘em all the time Being a comedian isn’t being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it’s being a hero! The world isn’t sad. The world’s funny! I get it now! I'm a sociopath! I saw an old man slip and fall; what a fucking idiot I saw a woman at her daughter’s funeral Hahaha! Classic comedy! Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now The Holocaust and 9/11? That shit’s funny 24/7 cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about, because my empathy is bumming me out Goodbye sadness! Hello jokes