If I Owned a Midget

(intro) I picked up this midget you know he's very very well dressed Italian suit good looking with a beautiful tall blond Is it a- a lady midget No the guy was a midget the blond was a lady Oh the- I get it Those midgets are funny hahaha Sometimes I'd like to hold a midget I mean they're funny They always wanna sit in the front seat- Word (verse 1) Life's got me mad But if I had a midget I'd be glad To watch him jump around on my nintendo powerpad He'd have a big head short legs and long torso The name that I give my pet midget is little Gordo I'd teach him tricks like backflips and side kicks When company came over he'd perform and get tips While I'm eatin at night, in the kitchen he'd be able To get the food scraps that I threw under the table If my midget was ever mad and acted enraged Then I'd take him to the bathroom and put him in his cage But If he kept acting up and really made me sick I'd hang him upside down and poke him with a stick Little Gordo would be good most of the time though He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling Kaiyo I'd take him for walks in the park on the weekends And if he saw other midgets he'd say Can we be friends He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead And he'd be in the guiness book for the world's biggest head What a funny little fellow, but don't call him a shrimp Or he'll attack your leg cause Gordos a tough gimp He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bounce on for hours And dirty little fathead Gordo would'nt take showers When Halloween came, he wouldn't be a chump Gettin all the candy goin round as a tree stump (scratching/chorus) Midget is a midget Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget Midget is a midget Hey you guys- Word Midget is a midget Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget Midget (wo-wo-wo-wo-word) is a midget Like a midget in a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes (verse 2) Sometimes my friends would chase Gordo with a gun It be fun Because midgets wobble when they run They're so close to the ground and so easy to kick They're so slow in the head and so easy to trick Gordo could do somersaults his special thing At the fair I would make him enter mudwrestling Sometimes he'd wear stilts and pretend to be tall Then I'd kick him over- and then i'd laugh at him fall Silly little Gordo, just be yourself I'd put wood on his head, and he'd just be a shelf He'd do funny little dances but that's irrelevant At the beach Gordo got attacked by pelicans He had a girlfriend once, but she was an ogre It didn't last long cause he couldn't fuck her sober Gordo had a problem, Gordo wet the bed So i'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his head He'd have to clean up his own cage himself And if he lost a little weight he'd be a keebler elf He'd really be something, my mangled little munchkin Plus his head would be larger then any big pumpkin This perfect little fool would make a perfect footstool Sometimes I'd kick him in his head and say "bitch be cool" I'd have a great life, I'd be happy I know If I only owned a little pet midget named Gordo (scratching/chorus)