The Straight Razor Cabaret

In a cafe On the Champs-Élysées I saw a girl the other day I was beguiled 'till i saw her smile! It was a gash across her face! Not long ago she found that she was alone So she wandered into a vaudeville show She should have known it's be bad She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Cabaret The first act was a stripper And the host looked like Jack the Ripper But the audience was dreary And so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear He used a straight-razor Cause he's a face raper And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud If he tells a joke You better laugh until you choke! It's the Straight Razor Cabaret! When i flew down to Camden town I saw a man reading the Bible I won't in haste describe his face For i might be sued for libel! Not long ago he found that he was alone So he wandered into a vaudeville show He should have known he'd be maimed When he discovered the name: The straight razor cabaret While the strumpet stroked some Donkeys The host juggled five dead monkeys But the audience were snobs So he took a knife right to their gobs He used a straight-razor Cause he's a face raper And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud If he does a trick You better laugh until you're sick! It's the Straight Razor Cabaret! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la They call him straight-razor Cause he's a face raper And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud If he pulls a gaffe you bloody up and laugh! It's the Straight Razor Cabaret! It's the Straight Razor Cabaret! It's the Straight Razor Caba- Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala Everybody! Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala It's the Straight Razor Cabaret! It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!