Paralytic States

She could hear them fucking through those thin hotel walls She heard babies crying, she heard laughter, she heard sirens Red and blue lights flashing through those cheap hotel drapes Blood spilled out on the porcelain The bathtub's overflowing Paralytic states of dependency Our waking life's just a living dream Agitated states of amazement Never quite the woman that she wanted to be Never quite the woman that she wanted to be Spread out face down on those stained cheap hotel sheets She spent the last years of her life running from the boy she used to be Cut her face wide open Shaved the bone down Then pumped her lips up exaggerated A fucked up kind of feminine Never quite the woman that she wanted to be Night time at the hotel There was fighting in the hall Thin chain lock to keep the world out She held her breath till it was gone Standing naked in front of that hotel bathroom mirror In her dysphoria's reflection, she still saw her mother's son By the time the ball dropped, it was already over No resolutions for the new year beginning tomorrow