Crazy Rap (Colt 45)

[Intro] Wait a minute, man! Hey check this out, man There was this blind man, right? He was feelin' his way down the street with a stick He walked past this fish market He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said: "*Snfffffff* Whoooo! Good morning, ladies!" You like that shit, man? Hey man, I got a gang of that shit, man! Hey, I'll tell you what My man on the guitar Fool on the drums And hey, hey if everybody crowd around the mic I'll tell you all these motherfuckin' jokes I got First I'm gonna start off like that, hey help me sing it, homeboy! [Hook] Said Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby that's all we need We can go to the park after dark Smoke that tumbleweed And as the marijuana burn we can take our turn Singin' them dirty rap songs Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems Feelin' high as hell, flyin' through Palmdale Skatin' on Dayton rims So roll, roll, the '83, Cadillac Coupe Deville If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell, I bet my Caddy will [Verse 1] Well it was just sundown in small white town They call it East Side Palmdale When the Afroman walked through the white land Houses went up for sale! Well I was standing on the corner sellin' rap CDs When I met a little girl named Jan I let her ride in my Caddy Because I didn't know her daddy was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan We fucked on the bed, fucked on the flo' Fucked so long I grew a fuckin' afro Then I fucked to the left (left!) Fucked to the right (right!) She sucked my dick 'til the shit turned white Thought to myself, sheeba-sheeba Got my ass lookin' like a zebra I put on my clothes and I was on my way Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet And so I ran, I jumped out the back window But her daddy he was waitin' with a two-by-four Oh, he beat me to the left He beat me to the right The motherfucker whooped my ass all night But I ain't mad at a prejudiced dad That's the best damn pussy I ever had! Got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine I'm gonna fuck that bitch just one more time [Hook] [Verse 2] I met this lady in Hollywood She had green hair but damn she looked good I took her to my house because she was fine But she whooped out a dick that was bigger than mine! I met this lady from Japan Never made love with an African I fucked her once, I fucked her twice I ate that pussy like shrimp-fried rice Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya (tell ya) I met a woman in the heart of Australia Had a big butt and big titties too So I hopped in her ass like a kangaroo See I met this woman from Hawaii Stuck it in her ass and she said "Aiee!" Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch Then her titties busted open with Hawaiian Punch I met Colonel Sanders' wife in the state of Kentucky She said "I'd fry some chicken if you'd just fuck me" I came in her mouth, it was a crisis I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices [Hook] [Verse 3] I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee Her titties were filled with Hennessy That country music really drove me crazy But I rode that ass and said "Yes, Miss Daisy" Met this lady in Oklahoma Put that pussy in a coma Met this lady in Michigan Can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch again Met a real black girl down in South Carolina Fucked her until she turned into a white albina Fucked this hooker in Iowa I fucked her on credit, so I owe her Fucked this girl down in Georgia Came in her mouth, man I thought I told ya Met this beautiful sexy ho She just ran across the border of Mexico Fine young thing said her names Maria I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla I wanna get married but I can't afford it I know I'm'a cry when she get deported [Hook] [Verse 4] Have you ever went over a girl's house to fuck But the pussy just ain't no good I mean you gettin' upset because you can't get her wet Plus you in the wrong neighborhood So you try to play it off and eat the pussy But it take her so long to come Then a dude walk in that's her big boyfriend And he asks you where you from So you wipe your mouth and you try to explain You start talkin' real fast But he already mad cause you fuckin' his wife So he start beatin' on you ass Now your clothes all muddy Your nose all bloody Your dick was hard but now it's soft You thought you had a girl to rock your world Now you still gotta go jack off [Hook]